I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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