it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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