I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
