I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
