So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
