I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
