just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
