True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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