Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
