I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
