Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
