I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
