About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
