Do you still have your period?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
