I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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