I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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