He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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