I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
