I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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