my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want her autograph on my taint
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
