just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
