i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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