My sheets look like a crime scene.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
