and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
