you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
