My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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