There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
