I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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