Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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