Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
