Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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