Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
