Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
