hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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