Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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