when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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