So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
