If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
bring money and cleavage
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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