i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
