im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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