Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
