so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
