it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
