there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
