Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
