I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
