Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
