Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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