Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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