She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
