I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
