He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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