dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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