i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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