if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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