my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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