I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
