a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
