well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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