No stitches, just platelets and will power
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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